There are times, ahem once a month, that being a female ie. woman can really suck. Generally I like being a girl. Being able to think using my actual brain and all but there are times where I want to just bitch about it. Here’s a few reasons why:

1. Once a month I want to rip my ovaries out with my bare hands, swing them around my head, and fling them at the nearest neanderthal. This hatred of being in pain, bloated, cranky, and all girly mostly comes from the fact that I cannot have kids so this monthly good time is wasted on me. I have friends who love it cause it reaffirms their “womanhood” um Why?! it’s gross and awful.

2. Men can urinate anywhere at anytime and it’s easy and not a production for them. Any of my friends who give me the well if we’re stuck in traffic and you had to go, you’d use a bottle too. Um no. Please be prepatred to have urine all over your nice car seats. I am a bathroom only kind of girl.

3. Men get to be hairy and not only is it accepted in society but many and I mean many women find it a turn on. For women, oh man if you need any type of sprucing up well then the man you’re with is running the other way. WTF?! Trimming is for everyone.

4. As men age they are considered distinguised and more sexy. Ie. George Clooney. The man is definitely sexier today, in his 40’s, than during the “Roseanne” years. Women, get to spend thousands of dollars on plastic surgery, trainers, diets, botox, and every freakin’ miracle cream known to the world. AND if even then we are in our 40’s and don’t look 25 then we are hideous.

5. Men get to gain weight. Ohh bring on the beer guts! Women will still sleep with a pudgy, beer gutted man and find pleasure in doing so but if a woman dares to put on 5lbs suddenly she’s a water retaining hose beast that no man will every touch and find great pleasure in not, F’ing her, but publicly ridiculing her. Want to talk about F’d up?!

Now honestly all this bitching came only because I’m cranky and hating my ovaries. Some of the items above women can bring on themselves. I personally will not spend thousands in plastic surgery, will nto sleep w/ portly men nor hairy ones, and if you think I’m fat then walk the other way because if you call me fat in public you’re never going to be able to “perform” again.