Archive for October, 2008

For the past two days I have spent my evenings reading a great new book, Belong to Me by Marisa De Los Santos. I had been wanting to read this novel for quite awhile and finally got my free copy from the public library, but this book I would definitely go spend the money to buy. Honestly I am not such a fan of any literature which doesn’t have a good central story. If I’m not sucked into the world and really care about the characters I am not going to highly enjoy the book. I might like it but I’m not going to crave it which usually causes me to read the entire piece in a sitting or two.

The story is set in a rural suburb of Philadelphia and at first glance I thought was going to revolve around living in a small town and how the new woman adapts to it. Yawn. Been there, done that, hell lived that one. After the first chapter or two you realize that the story isn’t from one person’s point of view but several characters and without noticing it these characters seem to weave themselves together. Each personal story begins to subliminally teach the reader a lesson which sounds painful or awful but I like to think of it as wake up call. I reminder of certain aspects of life we tend to not remember or pay enough attention to each day.

The most profound character is a near genius level 13 yr old kid, Dev. Dev’s one of those people that thinks about everything and takes thoughts into the abstract but without making you feel stupid or him sounding silly. It’s Dev’s thoughts on time that intrigued me. During 7th grade, he was ridiculed by a teacher who obviously was not as smart as Dev. Painfully this year seemed to crawl by for Dev. Each day seemingly becoming longer and more difficult to manage. Sensing his pain, Dav’s mom, Lake tests him and decides to move to this suburb so he can attend a special gifted high school. Dev flourishes there, makes friends, has teachers who listen to him and even meets a girl. Six months later, Dev feels like his old life in CA is like the miles between CA and Philly or years ago. His former life seems so distant he cannot even imagine living it.

I’m sure there’s some name for this feeling that time can slow or speed up. There are days when I look at the calendar thinking it’s October…..Wait, it’s October! In two weeks I will be turning 29. What happened to 28 or 27 or 26? Unlike Dev my life hasn’t improved that much over the years for this time to just fly by. In High school time felt like it stood still but HS was not a pleasant experience for me. I constantly fought the need to be invisible and the need to be shiny, bright, and visible. Not an easy balance beam to maneuver. Which leads me to my other favorite phenomenon to ponder; change.

Many times in my life I could actually feel the moment my life changed; for good. For most some of these moments deal directly with death. Anyone not affected by a loved one’s death I think might need some help. Death doesn’t always change a person in a negative way either. Sometimes it forces us into realizing we need to make other changes in our lives or simply live our life. I used to think ppl were full of crap when they said live your life…um, what else can you do? But it’s so very true. As I got older I kept hearing my mother’s voice as I said, “No I can’t do that trip right now, but in the future I’ll go”. My mom is 58 and this April is finally going to Europe. I desperately didn’t want my life to be the same way. Now I scrounge up money and just go. The experiences I’ve had from traveling will always mean more to me than any pair of shoes or clothing or computer gadget.

But there are other changes; subtle ones. The type where you stop one day, look at yourself in the mirror and think who is this person? Don’t go negative here but this can happen. Without even realizing it your attitude can change, the way you dress, think about the world. Those sneak up on you and usually are a good thing. Sometimes though, change will be forced upon you in a way you’d never expected. A broken heart, loss of a friendship, losing a job, realizing you’re not the person you’d always aspired to be…….these change us forever. Many revolve around people entering and leaving our lives, just like everything else sometimes it’s a good thing to purge an unhealthy relationship from your life. Other times it can be painful. Pain you feel throughout your entire body. Luckily that can heal.

First I preface this story by telling you I didn’t even want McDonald’s for dinner. I was tired and really wanted Subway but couldn’t find parking so in trying to go “around the block,” I got lost in the neighborhood I’ve lived in for almost 5 years. And it took me 20min to get the 4 blocks where McDonald’s is located.

Pulling up to the drive through I first notice that the old car in front of me is two car lengths from the car in front of them. After 10min the car oh decides to pull up the squawking box. Finally it’s my turn, the guy doesn’t understand me and then never gives me a total. Looking quite silly as I wait for the total, I give up and pull around. A spunky little 22 yr old boy pops out of the window squeaking “Hey!” at me. Being amused at my inability to navigate my way around IE laughing at myself. I laugh at him. He comments, “Hey you’re the nicest person I’ve seen tonight!” Um thanks. “Do you like movies?” Sure. “Have you seen Quarantine yet?” No. “Do you want to?” No, not really. (I don’t like horror movies). AND I no longer date 22 yr olds. Not a good idea.

Laughing I pull up to the next window and as I’m waiting my turn for my food. I see a mouse run around the ledge and almost into the take out window. All I could do is sit there with my hand over my mouth. What are you suppose to do when that happens? The mouse runs back and I thought down to the ground. Nope, there’s a hole in the wall. That mouse is in the McDonald’s. I will no longer be eating there and I suggest you do the same. McDonald’s at Riverside between Vineland and Lankershim blvd. DON’T EAT THERE!!!!

Found a great quote yesterday. In regards to his parents…

” I know that if one of them had been any different, it would have sent my life into a spiral of misunderstandings and insecurities about the world and about the relationships I have. ninety percent of the people I meet are dealing with issues they can’t overcome because of bad parenting. That’s the truth. There’s that side of you that says, ‘Time to get over the hurt and move.’ “It’s hard to do. So you just hang on to the emotion that this one didn’t love me, or why didn’t that relationship last? That stuff stays with you forever. You want to say, ‘Get over yourself! Come on! Time to grow up! Some people are able to do that, but a lot of use remains victims of it. So I was fortunate with my parents. Without them, I would never have been able to be as level headed as I am, considering everything that’s happened to me.” – Leonardo DiCaprio as told to Parade Magazine

Another reason why I simply admire Leo. I feel as if I’m dealing with the people described every single day.