Private Practice

It’s Friday night and I’m at work and I”m going to be here for awhile. F’ing Avid keeps crashing and I’ve been waiting for two hours for a DVD and then I get to deliver it to Santa Monica. I’ll be lucky to even see my apt by 11pm. Really? This is my life…well sort of. On top of it all today is my last day at this job which makes this a bit irritating. Though I really liked the ppl I worked with on this show. Everyone was really nice and fun to be around.

Anyways…to save myself from boredom I started watching a few episodes of Private Practice. Now decidedly so this is not a great show but lately it’s been getting better. Why you ask? Well the F’ing show keeps making me cry! I love it and it annoys me at the same time. First episode was from 3 weeks ago when they had this amazing older lesbian couple on and the one woman after years finally told her son that their neighbor was actually her partner. After freaking the son accepted his mother because he wanted her to be happy. It was amazing! To see these one a gay couple portrayed as loving and non dysfunctional on prime time television was a freshening change. And to see two people so much in love (yes I know it’s not reality) but it gives everyone a bit of hope. Plus u get to cry. AND to top it off Rachael Cantu’s song “Devils Thunder” was played in the episode. Seriously check her music out. I love her and wish I could have seen her show this week. Work prevented that too.

The second episode was from two weeks ago and in this one a retired physician is dying from pancreatic cancer and before it gets worse he asks Pete and Taye Diggs character to help him die. Of course there’s debate but that’s not what this post is about. The man was a player, and as he says really lived life and always lived for the moment. But in his dying breaths he focuses on the fact that he’s now alone. No wife, no children, no lover and all but the two doctors are all the friends he has left. Literally he’s dying alone. Just before his time comes he says, ” No one will remember me. It’s like I was never here.” Ok, I’m not a real emotional person, but I sat in my edit bay crying. Second to freaking out one morning and wondering how the fuck this became my life ala: Revolutionary Road my second greatest fear is being left entirely alone. It’s a horrible horrible feeling to think that could happen to you. Keep in mind I’m not going to run out and do something drastic and desperate to force this not to happen to me. But I am ferocousily independent and have never leaned on anyone else in my life. It’s me and me alone fighting it out here which can lead to well winding up alone.

On that depressing note….I’m going to go check on my F’ing DVD. Shit I want to go home! I’m soo freakin’ tired right now and still need to file for unemployment tonight. Woooo-hooo! I know you’re all jealous you’re not me right now. Suckers.