bugs

I know what a weird subject for a post but my bug adventure the other night highly amused me so I thought WTF let’s share it.

Let preface this story by stating that I am from a bug state ie. Illinois. Now I love when people try to tell me about the large roaches in NYC or mosquitoes in the South etc. because our bugs might not be the largest but we have every variety of creepy, crawly, pesky, bug out there. Growing up I have been tormented many, many times by every bug imaginable but I had and still do, a huge aversion to anything that jumps. This includes crickets and especially frogs, which yes I know isn’t a bug, but if I see a frog in the wild I will, not freak out, but steer clear of the slimy, jumping little pest. Keep in mind this particular aversion came after the summer the frogs invaded IL and I kept stepping on them barefoot. Makes my skin crawl just thinking about it.

But back to my story, the other night I came home from working the night shift so it’s about 3am. I’m just chilling watching TV when out of hte corner of my eye I spy something moving. It’s a freakin’ cricket hoping across my carpet. Immediately I jump up and grab a sneaker. Now it’s 3am and I don’t want to get near the thing so picture me, half awake, hopping around trying to throw my sneaker at a cricket and trying to do so without making a sound. Plus I keep missing the lil’ shit keeps trying to dart under my Entertainment center. Not good, not good at all. Thinking I needed to be quicker and I grabbed 3 other sneakers. Armed w/ ammo, I aimed at the thing but now it’s hoping toward the balcony door. New goal; get the creepy thing to jump out the door and then slam it shut. Yes, I went all PETA on the thing.

Well….PETA will be revoking my card cause that didn’t work at all. Finally I hit it with a sneaker but it only stunned the nasty thing. I aimed again and this time hit it with one shoe and then used another to add weight to really squash it.

This all happened um…last week Thursday. Yesterday I needed to wear the sneakers which were still killing the bug. So standing far away, cause ya know it could still be alive, I grabbed them only to discover the cricket had dried to my shoe. Squealing like a girl, um no judgements, I bolted to the bathroom where I had to scrap the bug into the toilet and it fell off in parts. GROSS!!!!

Needless to say…..ok I’ve got nothing just laugh at me w/ the tiny cricket acting like it was a cobra or something.