I firmly believe in every single person’s life there is at least one family relationship that is completely awkward. Sadly I have a few of these type of relationships in mine. To be fair, it’s probably got something to do with that fact that I’m an odd duck. I mean seriously I’m emotionally stupidly complicated but once you figure it all out it’s really simple. But for some reason my family just cannot figure this out or else they just don’t want to figure me out.

Really it’s this easy….when upset I am mostly likely to seek comfort from someone who I’m not that close with or someone that I once was close with but not so much anymore. It’s my comfort zone which I know is because these people will only judge the situation not me or they will understand when I say, ” I just want you to tell me it will all be ok” I’m a completely independent person so most of the time I already know the answer to my problem and am just not ready to accept it. I do not need another person giving my advice If I want that I will ask for me….please do not volunteer it. That’s it….really not that hard and most of my friends know not to take this personally. It had nothing to do with any specific individual. Why the hell can my family not get this?! Urgh!

Sometimes when talk to them it’s like talking to a damn Cabbage Patch Kid doll They sit there, smiling, wide eyed, sort of nodding their heads but it is just bunching right back off their foreheads. Now why would I ever call them with problems if they cannot learn how to deal w/ me and my F’cked up self? I don’t think you’d call them either. Just so I’m clear this doesn’t apply to all of my family….really some of them get it. But for others this equals a very awkward relationship. They get pissed cause I don’t call but then why would I? I’ll explain why I”m not calling but they don’t get it so I don’t call then they get pissed. are you seeing the fun circle going on here? *sigh. I really just want to shake the shit out of them and be like “Don’t you get it!”

What also doesn’t help is that I’m mostly emotionally unavailable because for some reason I respond to situations like a guy. Yep, I’m a deal with it kind of girl. I seriously can be an ass at times but anyone close to me knows that 99.9% of the time it’s never coming from a malicious place. Hey it’s how I”m funny. What can I say? But here’s the F’ked up part being an ass hasn’t served any part of my life so you’d think I’d change that part of my personality but um no. For some very wrong reason, it amuses me. I know so so wrong. You’d think I’d learn but I know for a fact that someday I’m going to meet someone and they’ll appreciate my “assness” aka: funny me.